Dream a little dream
Today I am 12 weeks pregnant. 12! Twelve. 1-2. Doce. As in: I am 12 weeks. As in: I could start telling people that there is a wee bebe in my stomach, but I won't. Not until I hear the heart beat, and that won't happen until the end of August, at my next OB appointment. God willing.
Although, I may be foolish in thinking I can keep this baby under wraps for another two weeks. My pants (all the ones that I can actually button) give me a lovely muffin top look (fat rolls that spill over the top of my pants; classy!), which may be okay in the actual muffin pan, but not on my body. I cannot wear maternity clothes right now without looking 100% foolish and I can't wear my own clothes right now without looking like I should lay off the Pillsbury for God's sake. I bought a very limited amount of clothing over the weekend that I am hoping will get me through the next two weeks, but really, how far can two pairs of pants and two shirts get me? I am seriously trying to trick myself into thinking that if I just recycle those items a bazillon different ways I will be fine. But, 2 x 2 is 4. Not a bazillon. That means I have four days of fairly comfortable clothing and 10 days of muffin top. Or 14 days of wearing the same thing over and over again, making people wonder if I am blind or if my washing machine is broken or both. Also: My OB told me that most women don't begin showing until they are about 16 weeks, that is all well and good, but she lied a little. The actual baby may not be showing, but my lack of waist is showing, and my hips that are expanding to accompany my growing uterus are showing, and sucking it in just isn't an option anymore.
As if I don't have enough to worry me (yes, I am entering clothing under the worry/stress category because I am Vain! and! Conceited! and! I care how I look!) I have started waking up for several hours at a time every night. I cannot for the life of me figure out why this is happening. I wake up every night between 2:30 or 3 a.m. and pee, then I get back in bed and lie there...and lie there...and lie there...and eventually begin to think that I should just get up and start my day, and then I finally fall back asleep only to be jolted awake in another hour and a half by the alarm. It is all so lovely I can hardly stand it. I used to wake up all the time to pee before I was pregnant and I would fall right back asleep when I got back in bed, no problem. The way I figure it is: I am staying awake because I am stressed out, but the thing is I don't feel stressed out. I feel fine. Except I can't sleep.
To self remedy this problem I try and workout every day, and I try and workout until I am really tired in hopes that I won't stay awake for half the night (I am not some crazy workout woman endangering my baby, don't worry). This has been somewhat successful, but it isn't a foul proof method for sleeping better at night. My theory is that I am stressed out about the unknown and my mind is overcome with fear at 3 a.m. when I am tired, groggy and most vulnerable. I can think about what it be like to have a baby until the cows come home, but until there is an actual crying, pooping, farting, gurgling, live baby in our house I will have no idea what it is really like to have a kid. My mind knows this, and as a result has decided that keeping me up at all hours of the night is a good way to make me feel better about the unknown. Really, the lack of sleep just makes me more of a basket case and aggravates the hormones a little more (or a lot more depending on which way the wind is blowing and where Jupiter is in the sky). Instead of being a little sad that I can't borrow things from others during my pregnancy, I sob and cry buckets hoping that no one will walk in at work and see me making such a mess of myself. At home I am pleasant and cheerful one minute and the next minute my husband can't seem to do a damn thing right (in my eyes). He knows it's the hormones and puts up with me (smootch!), but at times I forget and feel like I am going a little crazy.
I hope that at some point I am able to sleep peacefully during this pregnancy, but I have a feeling that is a hilarious wish because if it isn't my worries that will be keeping me up it will be gas, indigestion, kicking, back pain or feeling sorry for myself. The joy! (Truly I am happy about this pregnancy but I am in a complaining mood. No Duh.)
Although, I may be foolish in thinking I can keep this baby under wraps for another two weeks. My pants (all the ones that I can actually button) give me a lovely muffin top look (fat rolls that spill over the top of my pants; classy!), which may be okay in the actual muffin pan, but not on my body. I cannot wear maternity clothes right now without looking 100% foolish and I can't wear my own clothes right now without looking like I should lay off the Pillsbury for God's sake. I bought a very limited amount of clothing over the weekend that I am hoping will get me through the next two weeks, but really, how far can two pairs of pants and two shirts get me? I am seriously trying to trick myself into thinking that if I just recycle those items a bazillon different ways I will be fine. But, 2 x 2 is 4. Not a bazillon. That means I have four days of fairly comfortable clothing and 10 days of muffin top. Or 14 days of wearing the same thing over and over again, making people wonder if I am blind or if my washing machine is broken or both. Also: My OB told me that most women don't begin showing until they are about 16 weeks, that is all well and good, but she lied a little. The actual baby may not be showing, but my lack of waist is showing, and my hips that are expanding to accompany my growing uterus are showing, and sucking it in just isn't an option anymore.
As if I don't have enough to worry me (yes, I am entering clothing under the worry/stress category because I am Vain! and! Conceited! and! I care how I look!) I have started waking up for several hours at a time every night. I cannot for the life of me figure out why this is happening. I wake up every night between 2:30 or 3 a.m. and pee, then I get back in bed and lie there...and lie there...and lie there...and eventually begin to think that I should just get up and start my day, and then I finally fall back asleep only to be jolted awake in another hour and a half by the alarm. It is all so lovely I can hardly stand it. I used to wake up all the time to pee before I was pregnant and I would fall right back asleep when I got back in bed, no problem. The way I figure it is: I am staying awake because I am stressed out, but the thing is I don't feel stressed out. I feel fine. Except I can't sleep.
To self remedy this problem I try and workout every day, and I try and workout until I am really tired in hopes that I won't stay awake for half the night (I am not some crazy workout woman endangering my baby, don't worry). This has been somewhat successful, but it isn't a foul proof method for sleeping better at night. My theory is that I am stressed out about the unknown and my mind is overcome with fear at 3 a.m. when I am tired, groggy and most vulnerable. I can think about what it be like to have a baby until the cows come home, but until there is an actual crying, pooping, farting, gurgling, live baby in our house I will have no idea what it is really like to have a kid. My mind knows this, and as a result has decided that keeping me up at all hours of the night is a good way to make me feel better about the unknown. Really, the lack of sleep just makes me more of a basket case and aggravates the hormones a little more (or a lot more depending on which way the wind is blowing and where Jupiter is in the sky). Instead of being a little sad that I can't borrow things from others during my pregnancy, I sob and cry buckets hoping that no one will walk in at work and see me making such a mess of myself. At home I am pleasant and cheerful one minute and the next minute my husband can't seem to do a damn thing right (in my eyes). He knows it's the hormones and puts up with me (smootch!), but at times I forget and feel like I am going a little crazy.
I hope that at some point I am able to sleep peacefully during this pregnancy, but I have a feeling that is a hilarious wish because if it isn't my worries that will be keeping me up it will be gas, indigestion, kicking, back pain or feeling sorry for myself. The joy! (Truly I am happy about this pregnancy but I am in a complaining mood. No Duh.)
posted by Al at 3:50 PM
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