Be Still My Beating Heart
Today was my first official doctor's appointment 'with child'. I arrived late because the parking at my OB's office is atrocious. I would have been early if it weren't for the damn minivans that were taking the garage turns at negative 0 mph. I am sure that my screaming at them to go faster for the love of pete helped the situation in so many ways.
Once I finally arrived at the office I met the nurse practitioner (whose name I cannot remember to save my life) and had my appointment with her. She was very nice and answered all of my questions including the one where I admit that I had a glass of wine at the beginning of my pregnancy (not knowing I was preggers!) and does that make me a bad momma already? She reassured me that many women come in saying the same thing, and it is fine as long as they don't follow that statement up with "and then I proceeded to get drunk every night for the last month".
So, according to all the charts, reports, and tests (oh my!) I am 10 weeks 1 day pregs. My due date is Feb 27, 2007. This changed from the Feb 28, 2007 quote I got two weeks ago. But, really it does not matter to me what the due date is as long as there continues to be a due date. So, in a few weeks perhaps I will start telling people that I am eating for two. It scares and excites me to actually think about announcing this pregnancy. Thrills and chills. That is my life.
After I was done pummeling the NP with all my questions it was time for my fun pelvic exam. But, today it actually was fun (for a second) when the NP told me that we would try and listen for a heartbeat. I was thrilled and then immediately felt guilty that Jim wasn't there with me. Bad momma.
With the girly stuff out of the way the NP got down to business searching for a heart beat with the doppler. It didn't take long for me to hear whoooossssh whooosssssh, and then I was promptly informed that was my heart, which was easy to hear because my veins are so large. Darn. The NP searched for the bebe's heartbeat a little longer and never actually found it. I was assured that not hearing a heartbeat at 10 weeks is fairly commonplace and that it will be easier to hear the beat at my next visit. I was then given some tissues to clean up, handed my check out form, and told goodbye. Once I was alone I was hit with a slew of emotions. I immediately broke down sobbing; I did not realize how important it was for me to hear that tiny heartbeat. At first I was excited at the prospect of doing so, but when there was no audible heartbeat, I became panicked. By all means, I know I am still pregnant, but the stark silence coming from my abdomen really shook me up. I wanted Jim to be in the room so he could comfort me and remind me that pregnancy hormones can do crazy things to my body. But, I was alone, and so I comforted myself with tears and asked the baby to please try and refrain from giving me a small heart attack until it hits the teenage years.
I calmed myself down enough to leave the office and make my next four OB appointments. Four! As in one for the next four months. As in I will be four more months pregnant by the end of November. I honestly can't wait to start showing so I can talk about this pregnancy with people. The wait is killing me.
Speaking of killing me, I took out life insurance on Jim and me today. He better not get any ideas. I AM KIDDING. It really wouldn't be worth his while to cash in, after all, policies on social workers don't amount to much.
Once I finally arrived at the office I met the nurse practitioner (whose name I cannot remember to save my life) and had my appointment with her. She was very nice and answered all of my questions including the one where I admit that I had a glass of wine at the beginning of my pregnancy (not knowing I was preggers!) and does that make me a bad momma already? She reassured me that many women come in saying the same thing, and it is fine as long as they don't follow that statement up with "and then I proceeded to get drunk every night for the last month".
So, according to all the charts, reports, and tests (oh my!) I am 10 weeks 1 day pregs. My due date is Feb 27, 2007. This changed from the Feb 28, 2007 quote I got two weeks ago. But, really it does not matter to me what the due date is as long as there continues to be a due date. So, in a few weeks perhaps I will start telling people that I am eating for two. It scares and excites me to actually think about announcing this pregnancy. Thrills and chills. That is my life.
After I was done pummeling the NP with all my questions it was time for my fun pelvic exam. But, today it actually was fun (for a second) when the NP told me that we would try and listen for a heartbeat. I was thrilled and then immediately felt guilty that Jim wasn't there with me. Bad momma.
With the girly stuff out of the way the NP got down to business searching for a heart beat with the doppler. It didn't take long for me to hear whoooossssh whooosssssh, and then I was promptly informed that was my heart, which was easy to hear because my veins are so large. Darn. The NP searched for the bebe's heartbeat a little longer and never actually found it. I was assured that not hearing a heartbeat at 10 weeks is fairly commonplace and that it will be easier to hear the beat at my next visit. I was then given some tissues to clean up, handed my check out form, and told goodbye. Once I was alone I was hit with a slew of emotions. I immediately broke down sobbing; I did not realize how important it was for me to hear that tiny heartbeat. At first I was excited at the prospect of doing so, but when there was no audible heartbeat, I became panicked. By all means, I know I am still pregnant, but the stark silence coming from my abdomen really shook me up. I wanted Jim to be in the room so he could comfort me and remind me that pregnancy hormones can do crazy things to my body. But, I was alone, and so I comforted myself with tears and asked the baby to please try and refrain from giving me a small heart attack until it hits the teenage years.
I calmed myself down enough to leave the office and make my next four OB appointments. Four! As in one for the next four months. As in I will be four more months pregnant by the end of November. I honestly can't wait to start showing so I can talk about this pregnancy with people. The wait is killing me.
Speaking of killing me, I took out life insurance on Jim and me today. He better not get any ideas. I AM KIDDING. It really wouldn't be worth his while to cash in, after all, policies on social workers don't amount to much.
posted by Al at 3:04 PM
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