Second verse...same as the first?

I am just going to whisper this very quietly:

last night I took a pregnancy test and it was positive

I am scared to be excited, scared to be scared, scared that I am not praying enough, scared that something will go horribly wrong, scared that this will be a full term pregnancy and result in a baby, scared about jinxing things, scared to think about the test results, scared not to think about the test results, and scared about morning sickness, because that? Is not fun. At least not from what I have experienced thus far which consisted of lying awake from 3:30 am to 5:45 am thinking I could hurl, followed up by wanting to run the other way when confronted with breakfast. Hooray! I am also scared about infinitely more things, but to list them all out would only remind me of how I have no clue what the flippin' hell I am doing, what with all this trying to get pregnant and such.

So far this pregnancy feels different from the last one, but really that could just be wishful thinking, though Lord knows I want a different outcome...one that I can actually hold and cuddle. I only pray that the second time has a vastly different outcome then the first time, because I really could not handle my heart shattering into a million pieces two times in three months. So, little person that may one day be a big person: try to stay in me, while I try not to freak the righteous fuck out every 2.5 seconds, because that's about all I'm good for right now.