Magical Momma Moments

1) While I was feeding my baby boy, I quietly whispered in his ear how much I loved him and how much he means to me. We were nestled snugly in the rocker in his room, it was a peaceful afternoon and we were both relaxed and comfortable. I continued to whisper softly and at one point Matthew stopped eating and looks up adoringly. I paused with what I was saying and waited to receive the sweet grin for which Matthew is famous, but instead he answered my sweet nothings with a long, loud fart. He hesitated, looked at me once more, farted again for good measure and went back to eating.

2) When I got home from work after a long day I was excited to hold Matthew and shower him with kisses. I ran in the house, was in the process of putting my bag down, and had not yet said hello to my boy. I approached Matty's bouncy chair and leaned over to greet Matty as his father pulled him up out of the chair. With a giant goofy grin on my face I cooed "Hiiii sweet boy" and waited for Matthew to realize his momma was home. The words were barely out of my mouth and suddenly Matthew responded to my greeting with the wettest sounding poop explosion I have ever heard.

Welcome home momma!

4 months

Dear Matthew,

How is it that you are already one third of a year old? Didn't your father and I just bring you home from the hospital? What happened to the little boy who was the length of my forearm? Where is the baby who stayed asleep longer than he stayed awake? I can't believe those days are just memories now. You are changing at an alarming pace and while I can't wait to learn more about you, I am sad that I only have memories of your first months here (because, let's be honest, my memory isn't all it's cracked up to be).

When I look at the photos of you on your first day of life I see many similarities to the baby you are now. And while the similarities are there, what is even more striking are the differences. Your cheeks are so full and plump, your eyes are the brightest blue, your hair is growing longer, your body has fattened up and you smile all the time, it is wonderful to see how much you have grown.

Matthew, just recently you started to roll over on your stomach at night. While your Dad and I are thrilled that you are learning to roll over, we wish it wouldn't happen at night, when you are semi-swaddled. I only wish that you would learn to roll back over as quickly as you are learning to roll on your tummy, that would help alleviate the small stroke I have when I enter your room at 3am and see you sleeping on your stomach, face down. Let me also report on other news that makes my heart race, but in a good, excited way. Matty - you are finally starting to embrace tummy time! For a long time you would scream and protest whenever we placed you on your stomach. However, just yesterday I rolled you over to work those neck and chest muscles and you smiled at me while you wiggled your little legs and arched your back. I will go ahead and write that once more: you smiled at me while on your stomach. That is quite the feat for you, and it made me ecstatic that you are getting used to tummy time, and may actually be enjoying the exercise?

Right now our video camera is broken, which kills me, it kills me dead. I want to document your coos and babbling. You talk so much, and you are always commenting on something in your world. Your Dad and I try and have conversations with you all the time, and there are moments when you make noises and coos that sound like 'uh-oh' or 'uh-huh'. Matthew you are already mastering the art of conversation, I can't wait to hear your first word!

Recently your Dad and I took away your pacifier when you fall asleep. Sorry about that nasty turn of events baby boy. We were worried that you were relying on the pacifier to fall asleep and we wanted to break that habit. You did not take kindly to our desire to break the habit and you let us know that. Loudly. In our ears. For long periods of time. You protested severely the first night, the second night without the pacifier you protested, but not nearly as long or as forcefully, and the third night without it, you barely cried at all. You quickly adjusted which made your father and feel good about the choice we made. While we worried that you would resent us and continue to fight sleep without your pacifier, you proved us wrong, which only confirms how awesome you are. You are such a happy boy and we were worried that our actions would damage you, but your every day gummy grins and drooly smiles are testament to your enjoyable, pleasant personality. Thanks for being so easy going, not only are you happy, but you are pretty laid back and that makes it nice for your Daddy and me on so many levels.

Baby boy, I try and tell you everyday, in so many ways, how much I love you. I hope you never doubt for a second how important you are to me.

Love, Momma

115

That number is the age of my son (In days, not years. Ho boy, I am funny!). That is about 16 and a half weeks, or approximately four months. FOUR MONTHS. That means Matthew has only been on this earth for about 4 months, but to be honest, I barely remember what life was like before he came along. Since he entered the world my days have been fuller, richer and so much more rewarding. He is so little, so small, and yet the impact he has upon my life is dramatic. In fact, for someone who needs to be attached to my person to move through the house, poops his pants on a regular basis and randomly regurgitates food on my shirt, I find Matthew to be one of the most fascinating people I know.

I desperately want to write about my birth experience, and I keep putting it off, because I want it to be a perfectly documented memory. The trouble with that statement 'perfectly documented memory' is the longer I wait to write about the day, the less I will remember. I am such a dork. I need to just sit down and plunk something out, anything, because before you know it the story will go something like this: "I had a baby and my belly button will never look the same. The end." Waiting to write down my thoughts isn't making things any easier, that is for sure.

Leaving for work also falls into the category of not getting any easier. People keep telling me that it will get easier to leave my son and go to work all day long, but they are wrong. They are so very, very wrong. I hate leaving my son. I hate that I can't see his face during the day, and the mornings that I leave the house I find every reason in the world to stay just a second longer. I am continually late to work, but that lateness gives me a few precious seconds to be in the same house with my boy. In a way I have to numb my ability to feel before I walk out the door, or else every time I leave, I would be a hot mess of tears, snot, and raccoon eyes. The only part of my days at work that I like are when I get to leave and go home. Holding Matthew, watching him give me a big toothless grin, hearing him coo and seeing him shrug his shoulders, there is nothing better.

Elephant Memory

Matthew, there are so many things about you that I don't want to forget and I am sure there is so much that I am already forgetting. I want to ingrain every second with you into my brain, I wish that were possible. Without further ado, here is a fascinating list of things about you that are completely, totally awesome:

- The way you shrug your shoulder and smile your big toothy grin.

- When you talk and coo at your mobile in your crib. The smiles you give your mobile are hilarious.

- The sounds you make: Agoo, aaahhh, and the little sighs you emit.

- I love when you wake up from a nap, tuck your chin downwards and look around like a deer caught in headlights.

- Your wrinkly baby neck is perfect, and even though it sometimes smells like baby throw-up, I love to sneak in and kiss you all over that wrinkly neck. Also, there are times I think you look like a turtle, and it makes me smile.

- When we do baby sit-ups, and you want to stand, not sit.

- I love that once you are standing up, holding onto my hands, you try and stealthily sneak my finger in my mouth and gnaw on it, as if I won't notice that you are slobbering all over me.

- You are so talkative, I want so badly to engrain your baby "ahh"s and "oohh"s in my mind, I never want to forget how cute you sound.

- When you bicycle your little legs.

- The first time you laughed out loud. Your Papa was holding your hand, and making funny faces and you started cracking up. Neither your Dad or I have been able to get you to laugh as hard as that first time, but we are still trying.

- I love when you are done eating and you turn away from me, arch your neck, and stretch your head back. Occasionally you will lift one arm in the air to stretch, you scrunch up your face and take a deep breath, and you look adorable the entire time.

- Your chubby feet are perfect for me to snack on, and I routinely play "this little piggy" with you so I can see you smile.

- Right now you aren't laughing a terrible amount, but you give out smiles all the time. Your wide, open mouthed grin slays me every time I see it.

- You are such an observant baby, and you need to look around and study a new place before you feel comfortable to start talking. It's amazing to already see your personality emerging.

- The fat wrinkles around your knees and thighs, love them.

- I find it hilarious that when I give you a kiss, you open your little mouth because you have no idea what I am doing.

- I love your fuzzy head, especially after a bath when your hair is particularly soft and spikey.

Matthew bring out the best in me, thank you so much for coming into our lives. You are such an easy going, happy baby. People are constantly commenting about how good you are. Your Dad and I just smile and agree, you are an amazing little boy. It is virtually impossible for me to describe how much you mean to me. I love you baby boy!