Amazed

Yesterday Bud found an empty hanger on his floor and did the first thing he does with anything he is holding; put it in his mouth. I glanced over at what he was doing, didn't want encourage him chewing on a hanger, and airly stated:

'We need to take that hanger and put it in the trashcan.' Thinking I would remove the hanger from his little hand and take it with us when we went downstairs to put in the big kitchen trashcan.

No sooner had the words escaped my lips did Buddance amble around the rocking chair, position himself between it and the bookshelf, and reach behind the bookshelf for the trashcan (I have to hide the trashcan between the rocking chair and the bookshelf or else I would be forever repeating 'Don't play in the trashcan.') with the hanger in his hand.

My jaw dropped.

I had a hard time believing that he actually knew what he was doing, but all signs pointed to the fact that he did indeed know exactly what he was doing.

What a helpful child. Training for properly stacking plates fresh from the dishwasher starts today.

Eating; toddler style

I should start investing my money in toothpick manufacturers because at the rate we are going, J and I will need those suckers on a daily basis to keep our eyes open and our bodies functioning (This has nothing to do with anything I am going to write about, I just needed to state for the record that I? AM TIRED. The end.).

Lately I feel like the world's worst mother based on the fact that I rarely have any plan for dinner and wait until about 4:30 to start figuring out what to feed my family. It wouldn't be nearly as bad if J and I weren't eating dinner with Buddance, but because we decided that we should all be eating together as a family (and to help Buddance learn to eat on his own) we sit down around 5ish for our evening meal. Talk about pressure! This is about two hours earlier then J and I are used to eating and I scramble to make sure whatever we are eating is something that Buddance can eat as well. Usually, the Bud will reject whatever we are trying, but lately he is getting a little better about 'taking a bite' of the food in front of him. Last night he decided to show off for Daddy and eat several bites of Momma's sandwich, all the while refusing his own sandwich, which was the exact same as Momma's. Crazy nut.

Now that Buddance is a year old we pretty much have free reign with the foods he can eat. While this sounds like a dream and in actuality should be a dream, it is so much harder on me for some reason. Actually, I know why it's harder on me. In the months prior to open eating season there were clear dietary restrictions to Bud's diet. Now, I have to use my brain when fixing Bud a meal. I can't just pop a few cubes of frozen carrots in the microwave and slop some applesauce in a bowl, shovel it down my son's throat, and call it a day. Nope. Currently, we are at the stage where Bud needs to be feeding himself more and more, only, he has developed the attention span of a gnat, and refuses to stay in his highchair for more than five minutes without threatening to self destruct. Fun times! I am constantly worried that the child is not getting enough to eat, he is already on the low end for weight, and his fading interest in food is scaring his mother just a tad.

I will be very happy when Buddance decides that putting the food on his tray into his mouth, rather than on the floor, is a good idea.

BOS

Oh little BOS, I apologize right now for the fact that I don't write about you quite as much as I wrote about your older brother when he was your age. You see, the fact that your older brother is 12 months old and into everything, rarely gives me time to jot down notes about your developing lungs, brain and heart. I promise you though, your Daddy and I talk about you everyday, and we pray for you every night. It is so amazing to think that you will be here in about six and a half months! We are dying to meet you. Right now I have no idea what to call you. I started with BOS (brother or sister), and we are careful not to reverse those letters. Sometimes I think of you as Baby Version 2.0, BV2 for short. Not finding out if you are a boy or girl makes things hard, but it also keeps things interesting.

Right now I am so tired in the evenings I can barely keep my eyes open during dinner. I am ready for you to graduate to the 2nd trimester stage, both so I can quit sucking my stomach in like mad to hide your little bitty existence and so I can have a little more energy. Well, I am not so sure the energy part will actually happen, because there is the big brother factor, and he likes to run me ragged during the day, but at least I can pretend.

1

One Year Old.

What can I say that would appropriately sum up the last year? Let me start with the cliche' that it really does go faster than you'll ever believe. A year ago I had just birthed a kid after almost 12 hours of labor and I could hardly believe my body was going to allow me to survive the next 24 hours, much less the next 365 days.

Most of the past year jumbles into one big happy, crazy, tired, giggle fest; complete with baby drool and copious amounts of poo. The smiles, the hugs, the tightening of little arms around my neck, the coos, the babbles, and the kisses are all what I now need to function. I never thought my heart could hold so much love for one person, yet my son has proved to me that every day I learn to love a little more.

In the beginning I was so worried about being a good mother. I had so many fears of screwing up my child's mind, life, thoughts, being, that it took me a little while to feel comfortable in my new role. I have made countless mistakes over the past year, and I know I will continue to make mistakes as he grows older, but the mistakes are not what stand out. No, in fact, I can barely remember my mistakes. Instead I remember big toothy grins, chubby baby thighs, little fingers exploring my face, infectious baby laughs, splashes in the tub, dancing at the fridge, everything that makes my heart smile.

This past year was more than I could have imagined. Looking ahead I don't know how could get better, and yet it will. I am so excited to watch this little person grow and learn about the world around him. His discoveries are mine all over again and every day I am so thankful to be a part of his life.

Happy Birthday little one. You are absolutely divine. I love you.