Babies, Balling and Bawling

Life is hard. Creating life is harder. Being around those who have created life, once you lost a life you created, is even harder.

I was around babies a lot this past weekend, which was GREAT! and also....not so great. Holding a good friend's babies at another friend's baby shower was bittersweet. It drives home the fact that I don't have my own baby to hold, just other people's babies. Yet, if there is a baby in a five foot radius, you can be sure that I will want to hold it, no matter how sad it makes me.

After my little friends gave my biceps a good workout at the baby shower, I went to see the Nationals play for the first time. Only, I didn't so much watch the Nationals as much as I thought about how I don't have a baby to hold, and then I cried, during the 3rd inning and I could. not. stop. crying. At a baseball game for pete's sake! People were doing the wave, cursing the empire, chugging beers, and being typical fans of 'America's favorite pastime' and I was crying. Um, neurotic much? Nah.

Yet, no matter how hard it is for me to be around other babies, I will continue to be around them as much as possible. Even though tears may fall freely once I leave the presence of a wee bebe, I love the sweet giggle, the soft smell, and the pain in my arms after holding a 15 pound baby for an hour. Always have, always will. I just hope that one day that 15 pounder will be my own.

Such a Tease

Spotting.

Higher temperature.

Sore breasts.


Let me break it down for ya:


Spotting = crazy period.

Higher temperature = need to turn the AC on.

Sore breasts = to many chest presses.

OR

(wispers) Pregnancy?

My entire body aches to take a pregnancy test, and yet I can't will myself to actually follow through with it. If I wait longer to take to the test, will that make me pregnant? Yes. Brillant! Why don't I wait 9 months? That is completely logical. Perhaps I should take the damn test, since fondling myself every 3 seconds really isn't proper workplace etiquette (unless I were to change professions). But, I would rather contine to feel myself up, then stare at a test that only has one pink line. So, that leaves me...right back where I started!

Edited to add: Move along. No babies here....YET.

Patience is a Virtue

I am not known for having stellar patience...more like stellar impatience. Being told to wait a little while before trying for another baby was not what I wanted to hear, but it just so happened that I was able to oblige. (The fact that Jim was working almost two full time jobs for the last six months was a big help in the abstaining department.)

Now that Jim has one job, he will not be cemented to his computer chair at night and I am ready for this baby business to begin. I close my eyes every day and pray that I will be able to conceive easily, and carry a baby full term. I have achieved pregnancy, now how long will it take for it to happen again? This is the question that tortures me on a daily basis. It seems there are so many factors that have to be right in order for conception to happen, not the least of which include proper alignment of the stars, a solar eclipse, an avalanche on the southwest flank of Mt. Rainier, and a maelstrom off the coast of the Lofoten Islands, all happening at the exact same time. I think I only need to wait approximately eleventy billion years for all these factors to coincide, so I should at least have enough money by then to afford something for a baby. Like a onesie.