Why yes, I frequenly write letters to inanimate objects, don't you?

Dear Chariot -
Hi. How are you? I am doing well. Actually, I am doing really super well, all thanks to you (and my husband, who insisted we purchase you).

You have added much joy to my everyday life. My son wishes you would roll away and never come back, but he doesn't realize that his boring ride is really his Momma's salvation and personal trainer.

My one request is that you learn how to take your own 2 ton self up our basement stairs and out the front door. For as much money as we paid for you, I think that suggestion is entirely reasonable.

Thanks!

Much Love,
Amy

Open wide!

Last night we fed M avocado for the first time ever. I expected him to love it, and to eat with reckless abandon because

a. I constantly read about other babies eating avocado and ONLY avocado and
b. I love it and eat it with reckless abandon

Yeah. Not so much for M. He put the first piece in his mouth and promptly slid it right back out of his mouth. The second time he tried it I think he kept it in, but had a look of disgust on his face the entire time. All in all the whole process took forever, but he eventually ate almost half the avocado, with only a little help from his parents.

The sweetest thing about the ordeal was how badly M wanted to please us. Every time he took a bite of the dreaded avocado, J and I would get very excited while clapping and cheering, which would prompt M to take another bite, albeit very slowly. Even though he was less than crazy about the new food, he kept plugging along to please his wacky parents, it was heartwarming.

That kid is the best.

Breakdown Schmakedown

The rain seemed to intensify just as I pulled into a parking space as far away as possible from Target's front doors. I sat for a second in the car, which was exactly how long it took for tears to start falling. I tried to muffle my sobs so Buddance would not hear me, but he was only inches from me, not miles, and I am sure he heard something.

'I don't even have a hood on...it's freezing cold outside...will I put M in his stroller, or attach his seat to a cart...I am really hungry...do I really need to be here right now...and why am I so upset?' All these thoughts raced around in my head, colliding and causing more upset in my already screwed up mind.

I hastily wiped my tears away, backed out of the space and drove home talking to M the entire way, trying to distract myself from my stress. We pulled up at the house and miracle above miracle: J was still there. I hurried inside, trying to keep Buddance as dry as possible and when J met me at the door and asked if everything was alright, I wanted to cling to him for dear life.

"I just couldn't do it. I got to the store and thought what am I doing? I am too tired for this" was my response. That was an unusual response for me, it is rare that I admit I am stressed, or don't follow through with errands or tasks that I have to complete.

J gathered Buddance out of his car seat, thank God, and I came upstairs and had a nice good cry on my bed. That was all I needed. For a little over a minute I sat in my room and gathered myself together, and I was better. I had to let my frustrations out and then I felt like I could face my life as a better momma and wife.

These last few days have been hard on all of us. J has been so very sick and while he did his best to take care of The Bud, I still did a majority of the work. Then there is the whole let-me-wake-up-at-four-in-the-morning-for-no-real-reason thing that has happened to Buddance for a little over a week now, which is absolutely driving me crazy. I was letting him cry it out, but was doing nothing for any of us, except making us all mind numbingly tired, so I decided to feed M for a quick period of time and try and phase that out again. So, while everyone else goes back to sleep after the 4am alarm, I don't, and I am not sure why. It's always fun to lie in bed for two hours begging my body to relax and just sleep already.

Today, during all this upset I focused on what it would be like when there are two kids in the house, not just one. Could I get up every day, do this job, and still be alive to tell about it at the end of the day? And honestly? I think I can. I am a great mom, I am really proud of the way I handle all the mundane, everyday tasks, while taking care of Matty and working full time.

There are times that I wish I had help, but then again, do I really need it? Sure, it would be nice to have a break every now and then, but I can do this! Not to mention, I would not feel right having someone else step in and raise my kid for me. Knowing me, I would want to correct everything they did, and I would hover over them, which would be an absolute waste of my time...not to mention money.

"Here let me show you how I parent. Now. Do it this way. All the time. Oh just go home, your doing it all wrong!" Yeah. That would go really well. Now, talk to me once I have more kids, and maybe I will eat my words, or at the least, try and get a break every once in a blue moon.

I love being with Buddance. He is an amazing child and goes with the flow pretty much all the time. I love everything about my life, I would not change a thing. Even the stressed out moments, because ultimately, they make realize all the things that make my life so absolutely wonderful.

You would have thought it was his last meal EVER

So, apparently I have been starving my child and of course I had no idea because he cannot tell me.

Tonight for dinner Buddance ate 2 cubes of sweet potatoes and a cube of beef soup (and I say cubes because he is eating grade-A-certified Momma made food. I know! I'm a hippie!), then he had a mound of Cheerios, followed by some sweet potato puffs, and then a bowl of oatmeal, followed by another bowl of oatmeal, followed by ANOTHER bowl of oatmeal, followed by another mound Cheerios, after which came juice, and to top it all off: a cube of carrots with even MORE oatmeal. Not to mention, I also fed him right before he had this feast.

Perhaps the kid has been waking up in the early hours because he is STARVING?

I just used my mad detective skillz to figure that one out.

We shall see if tonight's meal will keep him satisfied a little longer. I thought the eating us out of house and home didn't start until he was a little older. I was wrong.

All you need is love

Oh the love. Oh the kisses. Oh the love and the kisses.

The kisses that Buddance gives are super sweet. In fact, they are ridiculously super sweet. The lean forward, his little mouth forming it's 'o' shape, and his ending look that asks: 'did I do that correctly?' is almost too much for my cold, bitter heart to take. I only hope that he doesn't get bored with kisses, because that really would be too much for my cold, bitter heart to take. I need those kisses, they make my sad days happy and my happy days even happier.

And the happy days? They are more prevalent around these parts nowadays, especially since the sleeping has improved by leaps and bounds. The 11.5 - 12 hour nights are blissful, and the calm nap times are essential to me not losing my mind.

Would adding another to the brood assist in the losing of my mind?

Probably.

Do I care?

Probably not.

Ouchie

You know what really hurts?

Badly?

Very, very badly?

When you get a rather large splinter jammed beneath your fingernail.

That shit sucks.

Got Sleep?

Okay Buddance. I am totally rooting for you. You can do this! You can sleep through the night, I just know it. You don't have to wake up at all, in fact, I can bet that you will feel better if you actually stay asleep. Even though I will give you lots of dumb advice in your life, this is one piece of advice you can trust:

Sleep = a good thing

Also, my under eye circles will thank you tremendously if you don't yell at us around 3am.

p.s. - you looked really cute today when we unzipped your onesie, all you needed was a few gold chains and a Pontiac.

Everyday happiness

We got back from a run and I am lying on the floor doing sit-ups. You are busying yourself with the vacuum, and don't pay attention to the fact that I am steps away from you, sprawled out on my back. Suddenly you hear me call your name and your head turns my way. You break into a big smile and crawl towards me. Once you reach me, your little hands grab my shirt and you slowly pull yourself onto your knees. You are so proud of your accomplishment, and I am proud as well. You are becoming a little boy and losing traces of your baby self every day. I count the number of sit-ups I do out loud so you can hear numbers and each time my abdomen crunches together you smile, because your hand, and subsequently your body, move with me. Every so often you will slap my tummy and poke at my belly button, which makes us both laugh. We watch each other in the mirror, smile at one another and then you are off, climbing over me, on to your next adventure. And though I wish I could play with you forever, I know you need to explore and learn, that is your job right now. Thanks for playing with me baby boy, you are so much fun.

Breaking my heart

Oh baby boy, I am listening to you sob and cry right now because I am trying to work with you on learning how to sleep better, and I hate every second that you are upset. I love you so much and would never purposely do anything to hurt you.

True confession: I have very little training as a mother. I am learning how to do this job every day, and I learn a lot through what you teach me. I am not trying to torture you, I am trying to do what I think is right, and that is help you sleep better. I see a difference in your personality when you are well rested.

We can do this together, and as a result, we'll be all be better off (at least that is what I keep telling myself).