Huggings

Buddance has started hugging more lately, only he doesn't understand that a hug involves arms. Instead, he will give a little head-butt to whomever he wants to hug, it is hilarious. A baby head-butt, over and over again, to show his love. He's a charmer, that one.

In other news, I am very surprised at how much I am able to get done since the writers have been striking. Instead of sitting down in front of the TV, getting sucked in for a couple of hours, and trying to complete chores during commercial breaks, I have been leaving the TV off at night. Wow. There is a lot of time to do various things when I am not wasting away in front of a glowing box. Who knew?

2

I took a pregnancy test two days ago and it was positive. I am elated, overjoyed, ecstatic and scared shitless. My stomach won't stay still for a second, and I have barely been able to eat since I read the test.

We decided to tell only a few people, mainly because it is so early and who knows what will happen. One of the people whom we chose to tell had a reaction to our news that crippled all the joy inside me and made me question everything about this change. I have felt sick since sharing my news, and that is NOT how I envisioned feeling.

Yes, this is a big change, and yes, we have a lot to think about, and yes, our children will be close in age, BUT YES, this is a BABY: A wonderful, innocent, soft, squishy, small gift and that makes me so happy.

Just like that, we are a family of four.

Pure torture...

...but for me or for Buddance?

Yesterday I had an appointment with my OBGYN scheduled at 3:30. It was a routine appointment, nothing special, and I thought I would bring the Bud with me so J could stay home in a quiet house and get some work done. I am thoughtful like that.

We arrived at the Doctor's at 3:20. We entered the suite, signed in, sat down and I immediately began sweating. It was blazing hot in the place. I don't understand why offices crank the heat when it is so cold outside. Yes, it is nice to have a toasty space where we can warm up when coming in from the cold, but if I want to strip down to my underwear to prevent spontaneous combustion, that means it's a little too warm.

Poor Bud, I had layered him up nicely for the freezing cold temps, so it took me a little while to un-layer him. His cheeks became so flushed, I knew he was warm, and I took as much clothing off of him as possible without making it look like I was neglecting the kid. It was tempting to let him just wear his onesie, though I know people would have thought me crazy.

I had brought the stroller in with us, because I knew I would need to strap Buddance in once I started talking to the doctor, so I would not be quite as distracted. Luckily, Buddance loves playing with his stroller, and for a good 15 minutes he entertained himself by pulling on the straps, banging on the footrest and pulling on the nuts and bolts. Right about the time I thought I would get called back to see the doctor, Bud decides that is the moment to drop a deux.

So, we hustle into the bathroom, and low and behold, there was not a changing station in sight. That is so irritating. I realize that not everyone has children, but please, you would think in common places, like an OBGYN office for pete's sake, they would throw a few of those bad boys up. Okay. No changing station. That's okay. I can handle this. We enter the handicapped stall and I lay out Bud's changing mat, plop him down, and he immediately rolls over and starts to scream bloody murder. This boy does not usually fight me during a change at home, I don't know what got into him, but I pulled out his most favorite toy of the moment, his aspirator (washed out and clean!), and that settled him down pretty quickly. We did the change and I hurried back into the waiting room, hoping that I hadn't missed being called back to see the doc.

We wait a while longer, by now it is almost 4 pm and Buddance is starting to get a little more antsy. I can't blame him, I am antsy too, wondering what is taking so long. The waiting room was not that full, and people who arrived after me were being called back. Finally, FINALLY, the nurse calls out my name and I gather up all of crap (of which there was plenty) and follow her back to an examining room. Once in the room the nurse let me know that the doctor was running a bit behind schedule (you don't say?) and to be patient (insert dorky joke here).

So the nurse leaves, I don the appropriate paper napkin cover-up which is routinely provided for these visits, and strap Buddance into the stroller in preparation for the doctor's visit. Immediately Buddance starts squirming and fussing because he doesn't want to see the stroller from that point of view, he wants to be standing in front of it, examining all the parts with his fingers and mouth. Here began my attempt to entertain Bud with everything in my purse that was not lethal for babies, all while holding a napkin around my bare butt and trying to not sweat to death in an exam room that is 50 trillion degrees. Oh what a joyous afternoon.

I pulled out all the toys that I brought for Bud, one by one. He was getting bored of them pretty quickly, so then I pulled out my lip gloss tube for him to chew on, and that held his interest for awhile. (Anything of mine that I allow Buddance to chew on is a surefire hit for a least five minutes and will usually buy me a little extra time.) After the lip gloss no longer excited him I grabbed a comb and let him play with that for a little while. At last I had to break out my phone and let him open and close it approximately 59,000 times. Then, as my last resort I pulled out his Cheerio container, I was saving that little treat for him. Would you know? IT WAS EMPTY. What a freakin' dummy I was to leave the house and not check the Cheerio container. Never again.

The clock was creeping up on 4:30 and STILL no doctor. Keep in mind I was at least 25 minutes from home and Buddance starts eating dinner around 5pm. I was losing my shit, and fast. So was Bud. At 4:35, wrapped in my paper napkin, as my baby was yelled LOUDLY about being stuck in his stroller for too long, I bravely stuck my head of the exam room and asked where in the world the doctor was. I was told another five minutes and she should be there. I was so tempted to walk out of the appointment, I was getting furious.

After my desperate cry for the doctor to PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY come and examine me, she finally came in the room, and then proceeded to talk to Bud for five minutes and tell him how cute he was. Yeah. Great. That is just what he wants to hear after waiting for over AN HOUR with his mother in an office that is the same temperature as the planet Mercury. I am pretty sure if he could have talked he would have told the woman to "shuttaupa your face" and I would not have bothered to correct his grammar or told him to be nice, because I couldn't have agreed more.

Ugh. The exam was super quick, as they always are, and we were out of there probably ten minutes after the doctor entered. What a horrible afternoon. I felt so badly for my son, trapped in a stroller, trying not to melt from the intense heat, with no food. What an afternoon. One I hope to never, ever repeat, as long as we both live. Amen.

Socks of the business variety

Last night as J was getting Buddance ready for bed, he stripped Bud down to nothing but socks and was letting him crawl around.

I came up the stairs to see a baby standing at his gated door in the buff, except for a brown pair of camo socks, and the first thing that entered my mind?

'That's why they're called business socks.'

And I am this child's mother.

There is no hope for me.

Double Ones!

Seriously. How can this be true? Buddance, you are eleven months old today.

ELEVEN.

That is one month less than a year, and that is unreal. Everyday is better than the last and each day brings a new change that makes being your Momma a little better. Your vibrant personality is emerging more everyday and the joy I get from seeing you start to understand little jokes and anticipate Daddy's tickles is beyond compare. The other night as Daddy was trying to finish some work at the dining room table, you thought it would be fun to walk up to Daddy, poke him, wait for him to look up, dissolve into giggles, quickly act as though you were going to walk away, but instead walk in a large circle back towards Daddy and start the entire process all over again.

While the above scenario took place using my fingers the entire time, there are times that you don't need to rely on me get around, but Buddance, you don't believe that is true quite yet. Lately when I ask you to "walk to Momma", you will turn around, look at me and grin, then get down on all fours and crawl over to me. This used to not be the case. A week ago I could ask the same question and you would hesitantly turn around and lunge towards me, perhaps taking a few steps in the process. We'll have to work back up your former abilities. Walking on your own is not something to be afraid of, and in fact, most people I know who can walk on their own rather like it.

Okay. So your walking skills haven't flourished as of yet, but your kissing skills have (if you read that 12 years from now I have a feeling you will be thoroughly embarrassed). As you were getting ready for bed the other evening, you stood positioned at your dresser, feet spread apart in your little baby stance, and used a drawer to hold yourself up. I sat on one side of you, and Daddy sat on the other side. All of a sudden you leaned over to me and your little mouth formed the open 'O', your sign for kiss. I gave you a kiss as requested, and then you turned to Daddy and did the same thing. Afterwards, you turned back to me and asked for another kiss, then back to Daddy, this back and forth went on for a little while longer and the whole time it was happening I wasn't sure my heart was going to be able to handle the sweetness. You are such a loving kid, and I know I sometimes give you a hard time about your constant squirming and your ceaseless energy, but I wouldn't have it any other way and inside your crazy baby body is enough cuteness to charm the pants off a pantless man, which would be no easy feat, trust me.

Oh my. I can't believe I am weeks away from writing about your one YEAR mark. These last 11 months have been some of the most rewarding, happiest, hardest, and best months of my life.

Thank you for you Buddance. Thank you. I love you so much.

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, you're such a wiggler

My boy does not like to sit still for one second. If there is something to see, an object at which to point, a corner to inspect, you can bet your booty Buddance is doing just that. He could walk in circles all day and never get tired, the boy is an endless bundle of energy.

The constant movement thing would not be so bad, but even at times that I would like a little snuggle, I rarely get that. Lately I have been trying to do quiet time with Buddance in the afternoon, so he doesn't scream his head off from exhaustion when he is eating dinner. During the quiet time I'll play a soft song and hold M close to me, hoping that he will rest his head on my shoulder. Mostly he struggles to push away from me and will occasionally pull my hair, choke me while trying to stand up and look over the chair, or lunge for his bookshelf, nearly knocking himself unconscious. It just so happens that every once in awhile Buddance will forget that he supposed to be moving and rest his little body against me.

Those moments are pure bliss.

To feel my baby relax on me, nestled close to my neck, breathing with me, my cheek resting atop his head...there is nothing better. No-Thing.

In other news, I am sad to report that I think breastfeeding is drawing to a close. I am so happy to have been able to breastfeed for so long, I hope Buddance reaps the benefits of my milk for years to come. I think back to the beginning and how hard the entire process was, I was not sure that I could even breastfeed. It's almost a year later, and I am so thankful I stuck it out. I love the bond it created between Buddance and myself, and I loved knowing that for the first six months of his life he got that strong and big all because of me. That is an ego booster for sure!

As Buddance weans, I think the process will be harder on me than it is on him. I am going to miss having that time with him and being so close to him. However, while feeding the Bud used to be a peaceful time during our day, now it has become a little more, shall we say...energetic. Buddance has started treating the times that he breastfeeds just like he treats the rest of his day, which means he does not stop moving during the entire process.

Instead of the docile little baby I used to feed, I am now trying to pin down an infant wrestler and encourage him to eat. Literally, our feeding sessions remind me of something you might see on WWE if they had a version called WWIE (World Wrestling Infant Entertainment). The boy is moving all over the place, flailing his legs about, picking his head up every five seconds, swinging his arms, patting me on the head, hitting me in the face, grabbing at my lips, putting his fingers in my mouth, yanking on my hair, pulling at my shirt, and moving the entire time he eats. It's a workout for me to feed the kid!

Stay tuned for the WWIE Smackdown, in which the hero of our story, Momma, just may make a come back and reclaim her body as her own!

Baby Frankenstein

My boy is walking!

Albeit slowly, hesitantly, and not as often as I would like, but nonetheless, he is taking steps on his own! It is wonderful to see the changes in his abilities over the last few months, everything is happening so quickly.

Last week I came home from work on Tuesday evening and J excitedly told me that M took his first steps from the side table to the coffee table and then from the coffee table to towards J. That evening we got M to walk between the two of us, screaming praises and squealing about the "GOOD JOB" he was doing the entire time. It was awesome.

The next day however? M decided that he was going to boycott walking on his own and much preferred to walk using either Momma or Dad's pointer finger, thankyouverymuch. That kid. He is a stubborn one. In fact, when either one of us would let go of M's hand and try to encourage him to just stand on his own, not even take some steps, he dissolved into a pile of wailing tears. M is so determined to walk using some assistance that if someone is sitting on the floor near him, he will search out one of that person's fingers, take firm hold, and start dragging the person behind him. You can bet that if you don't get up and move with him, the big fake cry and scrunch face will automatically appear, along with a back-arch and some tears if M is feeling especially dramatic.

This week M is finally back to taking a few more steps on his own. I am guessing that he is slowly realizing that he can go places on his own if he puts forth the effort. The problem is, he can only go slow and Frankenstein-like to places on his own. With outside assistance, M can quickly make the rounds through the house and inspect several things at once, but he has less control over where to go because usually the person in possession of the finger which he is holding has ideas about where they want to go as well.

Such a dilemma for such a little boy. Go slowly on his own to all parts of the house, or go quickly through house bypassing all the interesting stops because Momma needs to unload the dishwasher and put away the cereal boxes.

Double Whammy

Leaving my son for the first time overnight to attend my Grandma's funeral.

Totally sucktastic.